


Careful

by francoantoniohierro



Series: Turbulent Love and Caring [2]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Asshole!Gerard, Bullying, Depression, F/M, High School, M/M, bully!frank
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2018-11-09 07:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11099904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/francoantoniohierro/pseuds/francoantoniohierro
Summary: Gerard Way is a preppy idiot who doesn't get high school dynamics. Frank Iero is a loser who wants him to stay that way.  PS. Careful/Careless are meant to be parallel stories... which is super weird and extra, i know. It's not necessary to read them both though. this is the version where Gerard is a prep and doesn't understand his feelings and its my attempt at being fluffier i think.





	1. Frank-N-Furter

**Author's Note:**

> idk... when i stopped liking Careless i tried this.... i wrote like 6,000+ words of this then stopped. i don't know if i should keep working on it. again....................opinions are very welcomed .............

The new school was fine. It didn't take long before I started making new friends. The teachers didn’t hate me (yet). The students there were mostly nice to me. In fact, my brother didn’t get teased anymore. He had his _own_ group of friends now too. The cafeteria food was digestible even. Things were going better than i had ever expected. But my favorite part about the new school wasn’t any of that. 

It was a boy. A boy i couldn’t stop looking at. A boy named **Frank** who was always alone. The one that people didn’t talk to. Most of the time he’s reading. But sometimes, like today, he likes drawing in the back of his notebook. 

I can’t blame me him. When i was younger i used to do the same on every class. Maybe that’s where this fascination comes from. Maybe it's the fact that i still don’t know much _about_ him. People talk about him for sure, but it's always for the usual jokes.

I’ve been in this school for two weeks and i’ve only heard him talk twice. The first time, he asked someone for a ruler. The second time, (my personal favorite) he talked about homework. The teacher had told us to read a short story during the weekend. Now, i didn’t bother with that, i read a summary online. But Frank actually read the story. Because when the teacher asked him to share what he thought about it, he was **excited**. He went on and on, explaining the plot as if it was the most amazing thing ever. I could tell Frank liked the teacher, the class, and the homework in general. That was it though. Frank didn’t talk to anyone who wasn’t teacher. If he did, it was because he needed to _borrow something real quick_.

It's strange to me that my friends make so many jokes about the guy. He seems like a nice person. Somehow they see him as some type of circus animal. They point and laugh at everything he does. There has to be something that i’m not seeing. It makes no sense to me. Maybe it's the fact that i’m still fairly new to the school. Maybe its one of those things that i need to get used to.

I wanted to talk to him so badly. But i knew i shouldn’t. My new friends would be assholes about it. They never passed an opportunity to make a joke about his height, his lack of friends, or how he was _so creepy_ , or this or that. They made jokes about him every other day. My reaction was always to shrug; maybe chuckle at some of it in hopes of not looking weird. Truth to the matter is, it always made me uncomfortable. 

I could see the back of Frank’s head. I could distinguish some muted colors displayed in the drawing he was making. It still managed to be entertaining to me, even if i couldn’t tell what he was drawing at all. There was something relaxing about seeing him so focused on his work. It made feel nostalgic. It made me want to grab a notebook to start drawing too.

"What are you staring at?"  
Will asked. I froze in the spot. That was not good at all.

"Nothing!"  
I replied immediately. Daydreaming about the weird guy with no friends was a terrible idea. That’s how you end up with nicknames and rumours about you. Or worst, that’s how you get the weird guy into more trouble.

"Yes you were"  
Adam joins. They were both smiling at me. That’s how i knew things were going to end up badly. 

This is exactly why i can’t get close to Frank - ever. Good lord, if someone were to see us talking together. It would be so embarrassing. I don’t want to even imagine the jokes that my friends would make. And poor Frank would never catch a break again. It is simply not worth the trouble. So why do i keep finding myself looking at him? Why does my brain keep looking for excuses to talk to him?

"You wanna see what he's drawing?"  
Will asked, way too close to my face for my liking. 

My new friends are a little strange. I don’t think they are bad people: but they never miss an opportunity to be obnoxious, honestly. It makes sense to me when we are in the locker room, being pricks to each other for fun. But when we are in the classroom, and the victim doesn’t know us at all, it feels a little cruel. 

"No."

"Well, let's ask him then"

"Dude, fuck off"  
I was getting angry by that point. There was no reason to bother Frank because of me. That was not what i was trying to do at all.

It was too late though. Adam had already gotten up from his seat to walk towards Frank’s. Will was giggling hysterically, as if he was witnessing some incredible source of comedy. I was not. In fact, i wanted to make them stop. But i wasn’t going to go against my new friends, not over some kid i didn’t know. So instead i stayed quiet, letting it all happen. Going against Adam, the best Quarterback in town, was simply absurd.

Adam hovered Frank’s desk for a moment, before snatching his notebook away. Frank hardly had any time to react: he had no idea he was being watched at all. He just saw the drawing disappear and went into absolute panic. 

Adam had no fear in Frank, or anyone in the school for that matter. He opened the notebook to show us the drawing.

"What the fuck is that?"

I knew exactly what it was. It was the main character from the movie Rocky Horror Picture Show. That was something that i would **definitely** know. Since i distinctly remembered watching it two years back out of morbid curiosity. That damn movie made me have some serious doubts about my sexuality. Will and Adam though, looked clueless. To them it was the cartoon drawing of a man in drag makeup: wearing _skimpy_ clothing.

"Is that your mom, Frank?"  
Will asked him, while only looking at Adam. Frank looked petrified. His entire face was red with shame. Of all the harmless drawings they could have caught him doing, of course - they saw him drawing a drag queen. This guy has the worst luck, i swear. 

"No, I think it's a self portrait"  
Adam replied, making me grin. Then i nodded in agreement, as if i believed it. Not because i found it amusing or because i wanted them to keep going. I did it because if i didn't support them, they'd get suspicious and insist on more Frank jokes. I have had enough of them for a lifetime.

Frank looked hurt. Maybe it was wishful thinking, considering that i hardly knew him, but i honestly thought he liked me. Or didn’t **hate** me, anyways. After all, i hanged out with the crowd that made fun of him - but i never really engaged in those shenanigans. I mean, he had to have noticed that, right? 

Not that it mattered anymore. He saw my grin this time. He was not pleased with it. 

I don’t know why i even care about the guy. He should be thankful that i’m not like them. Not completely. Why did he look at me as if i were some type of monster? I wasn’t the one who grabbed the drawing! 

It was just a joke.

"Give it back!"  
Frank insisted. He looked pissed off now. Or about to cry. Either way, not happy with what was happening.

"You want it?" The teenager began twisting the paper into the shape of a ball. "Take it" he said before throwing it only a few feet away from the teacher's desk.

At least the teacher had not arrived yet. If the teacher had been there to grab the drawing, i think frank would have died in the spot. There's only so much humiliation a human being can handle. 

Frank ran towards the drawing. Adam didn’t follow him. Instead, he went back to his seat as if nothing had happened. He was already disinterested in the whole thing. It gave me a sense of relief.

“Fucking gay shit man”  
Adam said as he got in his seat. I wanted to look at Frank to see if he was doing alright, but i didn’t want to cause more trouble. I needed to be more careful. I needed to stop caring.

“He gave you his drawing” William said sarcastically. I kept forcing a smile as they kept talking “maybe he has a crush on you, dog.”

Adam instantly looked grossed out by the joke. They were talking really loudly - making me fear that Frank could be listening to us. He probably was. I wished he wasn’t. His day had been bad enough.

“I’d kill him”  
The three of us laughed at his comment. Part of me feared that he was serious. The other part of me knew that he was. 

I’m such a fucking idiot.


	2. Chapter 2

Bryar had asked the class to form teams.

We were going to be doing a special activity that day. He didn't really explain much of it. We didn’t really care either. It was all a big excuse to be as lazy as possible. 

Of course, i formed a team with the people from the football team. Adam, William, George, Bert and I were sitting together in the corner of the classroom. Bryar had said that the teams were going to be of only two people. My team and i of course, did not care. If the teacher said something we could play ignorance or something. It didn’t matter. The teachers didn’t mess with Adam and his friends. He was one of the best players that the school had ever had. Or that's what people in the school say anyway, so there must be some truth to it. 

Next to us was a team consisting of Adam’s girlfriend and her best friend. They were both cheerleaders, and they were always around us. Apparently Adam had cheated once - so now she always kept an eye on everything he did. It was pretty intimidating at first. Her friends kept an eye on him too, and everything that happened on the school went straight to her ears. It was one of the first things that i noticed here. Word goes around very fast.

She would look at our team every couple of seconds. Maybe smile. It was strange. Adam was _not_ going to disappear into thin air and cheat again. There was nothing to worry about. Their relationship was fucking weird. 

Bryan was grading papers for a different class, so he still hasn't explain our activity.

The entire class was talking. There was really nothing else to do. Everyone seemed to be next to their best friend, everyone seemed to be talking. 

Except Frank. As always. He was the only one who didn’t have a partner. Poor guy probably didn't know who to even ask. He was sitting alone, scribbling things on his notebook. It was depressing to look at. I mean, there had to be someone else without a team, right? He looked miserable. It made my heart sank. 

None of my business though. Not going to fall for it again. 

I stopped looking at him and looked at my own team. Probably the worst team out of the entire class. Adam was talking too loud for his own good. He would not stop talking either, which was obnoxious too. And everyone in the team laughed at his jokes as if they were the funniest things ever. But they really weren’t. It was becoming grating.   
I liked Adam. He was a good guy. But he was better in small doses. Spending everyday around him was turning tiresome. I couldn’t really tell anyone about it, though. 

“Keep it down”  
Bryar had said, not looking at us. He was still grading papers. They seemed to be more important. 

For a minute or two the class stayed quiet. Some people started opening their notebooks and what not. People started writing random things down in silence. Just to look busy, at least. It was the civilised thing to do in the situation. But Adam started talking again. The guy couldn't go longer than a minute without it, it was just the type of guy that he was. Always fucking talking. And as they always did, the class went along with Adam’s antics. Everyone was talking again. Loudly. 

Everyone but-

“Hey!” The teacher raised his voice. He was looking right at our team now “I told you to keep it down!”

Adam was now finally silent. It was too late, of course. The teacher was getting up from the desk. He kept looking at our team, walking towards us. Even if we didn’t get in trouble (we never did), it was nerveracking. It's not a pretty sight whatsoever. All of our classmates were looking at our directions. Demanding. Expecting. They all wanted to hear what the teacher was about to say.

“What is this? I said teams of two. What is this?”  
He kept pointing at our team. He did not look happy. Other teachers usually didn’t care when we did things like that, since we were all in the football team. They would say that it was “practical” to keep us together. Bryar did not seem to be a believer of said system.

Change of plans.

“We are teams of two, sir. Adam and i.”  
Adam nodded. He had no fear in his face. No one ever bothered that guy - ever. You couldn’t crack him. No way. He would smirk or put a defying face towards everyone.

Sometimes i wish i could be a lot more like Adam. Sometimes i really wish i was less like him. I get the feeling that everyone else in his friend’s circle knows exactly what i’m talking about. 

“Brett and I are a team too”   
George went. Nice save. Nothing for me though. At the end of the day, i was still the new guy. New guys get thrown under the bus. I understood that. The whole thing didn’t surprise me. I wasn’t expecting anyone to have my back. 

“You can’t have your teams together. Move your seats. You’re too close to each other.” George immediately started pulling their seats away. That’s when the teacher noticed, “Way?”

“There's no one left in the class. He had to join us”  
Bert quickly said. 

I felt flattered, honestly. I didn't think they would care. 

Bryar looked around for a bit. No one had raised their hand. No one seemed to be missing a partner. Everyone seemed to have a pair already. And now that everyone was silent the teams seemed fine. For a moment i actually thought i could get away with it. I was so close to getting away with it...

“Sir, Iero doesn't have a partner”  
Britney pointed out. She was Adam’s girl. She was also, more than anything, an asshole. 

Just hearing his name out loud made me want to pass out. Iero was the worst possible partner i could have.He never spoke, he didn’t like me, and he was just _Iero_. Why would i be with Iero? I could hear my “friends” containing their laughter. Looking at me like something hysterical had happened. I couldn’t smile back. 

Iero made me feel weird. He made my mind wander around things. Things that my friends couldn’t know about. I can’t count the amount of times i’ve fantasized about talking to him about his drawing. And it always ends in very different ways. That shit is not normal. No one is supposed to think about Iero in _that way_. I need to stop thinking about Iero in _that way_. Getting closer to him isn’t going to help me at all.

“Way, you’re with Iero now”

All i could do was nod. Bryar walked back towards his desk. The man looked pretty relaxed, considering that he had just ruined my day and all. 

Bryar 1. Way 0.

Iero -100

There was nothing for me to do. But just the idea of going to Frank’s desk was making me nauseous. Why did it have to be me? Iero _was_ the only person in class who didn’t have a team. _Someone_ had to be with the guy. But why did it have to me? Couldn’t Iero ask a different loser for help? Couldn’t someone feel pity for the guy and join his team or something? I don’t do that pity shit.

“Jesus Christ.”   
Adam simply had to start laughing. And like always, he was so fucking loud. And like always, the class imitated him. This time they weren’t as loud enough to bother Bryar too much though. It did bother me, though. I knew that he wasn’t laughing _at_ me, but it didn’t make me feel any better. 

“Keep it down!” 

As i walked to Frank’s desk i had a million things going through my head. Mostly i wondered if i could survive the experience. Was Iero one of those emo kids that had knifes and shit? Cause i was not down with that. I needed to be as far away as possible from that. Even if i didn’t find him hideous or whatnot, there was still something weird about the guy. It was pretty obvious.

I could still hear people whispering shit. What did i do to deserve such a thing? Iero never worked in teams. If he did, it was because the teacher forced him. He clearly didn't enjoy the process at all. Let alone with someone like me. It was torture for both of us. And real fucking embarrassing. 

I took a seat next to him. Didn't say anything. Tried my best to not look at him. I didn't want to acknowledge him. He was poison. Last time i dared to even look at him i made a huge mess. 

Even if he was kinda cute and all. He was poison. Dangerous (probably). And definitely weird. Mostly weird though. Wish my brain would understand that.

It was an experience. Everyone in the class talking to each other. All while i stayed silent, waited for the teacher to say something. Waiting to do homework, for christs sake. It was not fun. It was so boring. I have no idea how this guy does this everyday. He doesn’t even check his phone or anything. He’s so strange. How does he not fall asleep. He just stares blankly at his notebook.

His hair is long. That’s nice. It really suits his face. Don’t really see why girls won’t approach him. His hair is so nice, and all. If i were a girl, i’d definitely notice it.

When the teacher did assign the work i didn't feel any less worried. Each team received a short story in a piece of paper. We had to read it, discuss it with each other and answer a few key questions about it. The questions were on the board and they were really vague. 

The teacher gave the paper with the short story to Frank. He grabbed it and began reading immediately. He looked very focused. 

At first, i didn't say anything. Of course he could read it before i did. He wasn't doing anything wrong. But then he opened his notebook. If i’m honest, i didn't want to read some boring short story. Then started writing down the questions. And then, he just started writing down shit without asking. Nothing. As if we weren’t in the same team at all. The guy clearly didn't think i needed to read the damn paper. 

“Dude, what are you doing?”

He didn't say anything back. Kept writing in the notebook. I got closer, trying to get his attention. 

It was so strange to see him upclose. Even if he had his head down. 

He flinched. 

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“i have to finish this.”  
He didn't look at me. He kept writing things down. As if i hadn’t said anything at all. It was making me become impatient. I wanted to talk to him as little as possible. 

“no, _we_ have to finish this! Let me read it too”  
I insisted, getting closer to him again. It was clearly bothering him. He still couldn't look at me. Still looking down, like some scared pet.

“you d-dont have to. I can do it”

“No man, i wanna help”

I didn’t want to help. Bryar’s classes were boring and they mostly made no sense to me. But i didn’t like Frank’s attitude. Just cause my friends were idiots, that didn’t mean i was one too. Or that i was going to make him do all the work. It was a douchey thing to assume. I liked them, but that didn’t mean that i was _like them_.

Frank grabbed the piece of paper. He was trying to get me to grab it, but his hand was shaking really bad. I had to basically snatch it off his hands before he could drop it. He avoided my gaze as best as he could.

The story in the paper was The Eclipse by A. Monterroso. 

It was not what i expected. Honestly, i was suddenly glad that i was in a team with Frank. Cause that shit made no sense to me the first time i read it. Even during my second time reading the paper, i wasn't sure how to answer any of the questions for the assignment. It was like i had read something in a completely different language.

A language that Frank _did_ speak.

“D-did you get it?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Simple stuff” I couldn't think of anything else to say. My mind was blank. I had no idea how to answer any of the questions in the board. “Did you?”

“Y-Yeah. I'm actually almost done with - uh,you know, the questions” 

“Great”  
I smiled nervously. Maybe Frank didn’t need my help at all. T

Not that i could help him anyways. _Maybe_ i truly was as stupid as my friends. How embarrassing. Maybe i wasn’t that different from Adam. That was a scary thought. I tried reading the short story again. I wanted to understand it the way Frank clearly did. 

“d-did you like it?”

“Uh?”

“i n-need to know for th-the assignment and all cause-”

“yeah it was fine.” Sadly _fine_ wasn't a throughout analysis of the story. So i tried thinking of something else to say about it. Not much of the story stuck with me. I grabbed the paper again “i liked the part with the human sacrifice. Nice stuff”

Frank made a sound. I think it was an attempt at laughing. Can't be sure though. But it made feel so much better. _Maybe_ Frank didn’t hate me. It made me eager to keep talking. _Maybe_ i could see him smile for once. God, i fucking wish. That's how most of our conversations go in my head.

“Actually, i guess i like drawing too, ive-”

“i d-dont draw anymore. I r-really don't want to talk about the-”  
He was talking quieter now. As if he didn’t want to be heard at all. 

“no, i'm not making fun of you. Im serious. I like drawing. For real”  
I was trying to smile at him, but he wouldn’t look at me. He was still writing things down on his notebook. Probably nonsense. Anything to keep his head of the subject.

“p-please forget about that drawing…”

“dude …”  
He wasn't listening anymore. 

I don’t know why he thought i was just trying to make fun of him. Was he used to that? Cause god, that made me feel terrible. I could not let him think that about me. I opened my notebook and started going through the pages at the end. There was an old sketch that i was looking for. A terrible one that i had finished ages ago.

“Dude, look. I was just trying to show you this. That’s all.  
I put the notebook on the desk. Frank looked at the page. 

It was a sketch of a woman covered in blood. She was impaled on a stick. The woman was completely naked and surrounded by a forest. It was gruesome stuff. Fucked up stuff, really. The reason why i didn’t want to find the drawing. It was stupid. There was no point in finishing it.

“W-what's that?”  
He looked scared.

“Cannibal Holocaust?”   
Frank shaked his head. He looked baffled by the image. He probably thought i was fucked up in the head.

“It's a movie. There's a scene like this… Human sacrifices and shit. I mean… i think that’s what it was supposed to be. I think“  
I tried explaining, Frank kept looking at the page. For a moment, he would squint as if he couldn’t quite see it. 

“L-like the short story?”

“I mean, yeah. That's what i was trying to say. I like drawing shit like that. I have more sketches- better sketches, at home.”

Frank nodded. He grabbed the notebook so that he could see my drawing better. He was entertained for a few seconds. Then he went back to finishing the assignment. No more comments. At least he didn’t look upset anymore. I didn’t want the conversation to end there, though. 

“Like, Braindead? It's a movie too. There's a scene where they are in this weird Island too. I have some drawing of a scene there too. God, i have so many drawings from that movie.”

“Is it like a horror? I d-don’t watch stuff like that.”

“oh man, my bad. I mean, it's just like the short story. The people there want to murder the outsiders.”  
I was confident in what i was saying. Thinking that by referring the story it would look like i understood it. Clearly it did not. Frank looked at me as if i had said something ridiculous. 

“Oh, that’s not-...Y-you didn’t get that story at all, d-did you?”

“Nah. I mean, maybe i did? If you tried explaining maybe i’ll like 100% get it”

Frank actually laughed this time. I liked it. I could get used to it. It sounded cute. I don’t get why he doesn’t laugh all the time. It sounds great. His voice in general is cute. I really wish i could hear it more often.

“I’m almost done with this” He referred to the assignment “it doesn’t matter. I won't tell.”

“Thanks. Like, i want to help you and all. But...yeah i don’t know shit about that”

I probably sounded like an idiot. Everyone else in class was working just fine. I was probably the only doofus struggling. 

For a second i wanted to grab my phone and look up the meaning of the story. It had to be somewhere on the internet, right? Maybe if i got it, i’d have something to talk about with Frank. And i wouldn’t look like an idiot.

“Y-you you should stick to drawing then. You’re really good”  
He looked up. Then Frank smiled at me. Frank never smiles. Hell, suddenly i was smiling too. It wa so strange to see him like that. Particularly his eyes, it was so nice to finally see his eyes up close. They were my favorite part about him. I’m not even sure what that means...

I didn’t care if some of my friends were watching me. It felt good to see Frank smile. He looked so much better when he was happy. Seeing him made me feel so good. I wish that he could be like that all the time. Instead of frightened and quiet. 

It was a strange thing. No one really cared for my “creepy” drawings. Even Mikey thought they were dumb. It was part of why i stopped drawing as much. People don't really care for my “work”. 

I was actually enjoying Frank’s company a lot. 

“Not really”

“M-maybe i should watch that- movie”  
He said a few minutes later. 

“No, god no! If you don't like blood and all, you shouldn't. it's just going to gross you out.”

“Oh.”  
He sounded disappointed. I needed to fix that immediately.

“Maybe the Blair Witch? Have you seen it?” He shakes his head. “Its from like the 2000s. It's not like those other movies i mentioned. This one is all sutil and shit. It's probably more _your speed_.

He smiled again, and looked at me for a few seconds.

“you’re nice” I didn't know how to take that. he quickly added “i m-mean you’re nicer than i expected. I thought you'd be texting your friends the entire time and uh- i don’t know. I didn't think you’d… you know”

“What?”

“Talk to me.” He looked at the ground “I mean, you really don't have to”

“Ah, c’mon. You don’t scare me, man.” I smirked and it seemed to make him feel a little better. “At all” 

“T-that's...good”

“And, the thing with your drawing and all.” I took a pause not knowing what to say next “Seriously, not cool. I’m sorry. No hard feelings, right?

“Right”

“You dont need to be scared of me either. I’m _nice_.”  
I smirked again, but this time Frank seemed a little nervous. He went back to looking at the ground instead of me. I probably shouldnt test my luck like that again. 

The teacher started going around the teams looking at their work.

Frank handed me his notebook. His hands were shaking really badly again. And again, i didnt say anything about it. Frank had finished the entire assignment. I just read it a couple of times.

The class wasn’t going to last for much longer. The teacher didn't even read Frank’s work. He merely took a glance at it and signed it. 

When the class was over i went back to my friends. And Frank went back to been alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like careful/careless are the fics no one wanted me to update but like.........idk why i felt like posting more chapters of these so ................uh....... come get y'all juice!! lmao

Being in the locker room always made me uncomfortable. It was unhygienic. The smell was toxic. The jokes were tasteless. And seeing my friends without their shirts was fucking weird to me. Even though no one ever discussed it, the entire concept of the “locker room” is super weird. Its not manly whatsoever. It's just fuckin’ strange. 

Every single time i’m in this place my stomach drops. Something about being in here makes me nervous. And yet everyone else always seems to always be having fun. It makes me feel like I’m from a different planet.

It’s just...there's something about it… something that makes me feel like I’m not safe inside here. As if every single time I look at one of my friends they just **know**. They just **know**  about all the weird thoughts I get sometimes. As if maybe i'll say something wrong and they'll just **know**. As if at any moment im gonna get caught staring and they'll just… man, I don't know what they would do. I don't like this place.

“I mean, what did you guys even talk about?”

“Movies, mostly”

They looked at me in disbelief. As if the idea of Frank having interests was outrageous. To them Frank wasn’t a human. The guy was merely a punching bag for them to enjoy. Punching bags aren't supposed to feel anything. Because if they did, it would make them think twice before hitting it. They didn’t want that. They wanted Frank to be the thing to hit every time they were bored.. 

Frank was not a guy from school. To them, he was only a joke. Frank was not supposed to feel or think anything ever. He was an insult. A nasty joke. A concept. Never a person. Always a bad joke.

“God, thats so fucking creepy.”

I couldn't see why they believed that, but i nodded anyway. It was not a conversation that i wanted to continue. But Bert tried with a different question.  

“Did he flirt with you?”

It made the other men in the room look at me. They were laughing. If it included Frank, it was funny to them. If it included gay men, it was a fucking riot too. They made more comments that I decided to ignore. For my own mental health, really.

It was getting harder to look at them. Something about it felt sinister to me. No matter how many jokes they made about Frank, I didnt think badly of him. it was impossible for me too. It only made me think badly of them. Hearing them say those things made me feel so disconnected. From their world and just _them_  in general. 

“Flirting? What? No! Thats- thats now what happened at all. He wasn’t like that”

“Gerard...He's gay” He said. Like that was enough evidence “He wanted you. I wouldn't have talked to him at all. He’ll get the wrong idea if you’re all nice to him and shit. You have to make them know you're not okay with that shit”

Adam quickly joined the conversation. Didn’t help the situation whatsoever. It made me feel more uncomfortable. 

God. The room felt like a prison. All of them staring at me. No way to get out without them noticing. No way to disagree with them. It made me feel so trapped. I didn’t want to listen to any more of it. It only made me want to stop existing in every sense of the word. To _be_  gone.

“I don't think he did. He was all chill, guys”

“Still gross. He probably has a crush on you now, you know”

“He does not! For fucks sake, don’t say shit like that.”

If i didn't sound disgusted enough they were going to destroy me. I needed to be as rude and insulted as possible. Cause i couldn't afford to be questioned any further. I was already so nervous. If they pressured me any more I would probably scream. This place was bad. Frank jokes were bad. And Adam _sometimes_  was very bad.

“There's nothing to be ashamed about, Way. Fags can't help themselves around us”   
He gave Bert a slap, making him flinch. Everyone laughed because no man or woman would fall for Bert McCracken. The man looked like he lived under a damn bridge scaring children. But that’s a whole different story. 

Adam didn’t give a shit about how Bert or I felt about it. He liked the attention he was getting. The more laughter, the better. It was only making me more insecure.

“It wasn't like that! We just talked about movies. That was all. We don't even know each other”

“You probably won't get that fag away from you now. You were too soft on him. I wouldn't have even made eye contact with that guy”

Adam tried again. 

“Well fuck me for having manners, right?”

This time i sounded frustrated and i don't think anyone expected that. There was tension all over the the room. 

Don't think they were ready for me to lose my composure. They hadn’t been listening to what i had been saying at all. They only took what Adam was saying seriously. But now it was becoming clear that i was getting heated about the issue. Oh, it was making me sick. The subject was over. We talked, nothing happened, time to move on. Someone make Adam shut the hell up.

“I don't know if they were just manners man…. You two seemed to be having fun together.” Then everyone started laughing again. Adam had control over them. If he felt like laughing about Frank, then it meant it was time to do so. “I mean… you two looked  _ good _ together!”

Everyone laughed at his comment again. But they would have laughed at anything the guy said…

Or maybe he had noticed something that i did not. He kept going and on about a meaningless encounter. Was there something i missed? Frank didn't seem interested in me. Why the fuck was he insisting so much about it? 

Maybe I did look happy while talking to the guy. But even if that were true, that didn’t mean anything. I was good to everyone! No exceptions! It’s how i was raised! Of course i was smiling back at him! That didn’t mean anything. They had no proof… there was no reason for me to feel so exposed...but...

“I was being nice! Nothing else! You think i wanted to be talking to him?” Again, talking as passionate as possible. Again, creating tension in the room “Fuck no! There was just not much i could do.”

I looked at them. I was being dead serious and i wanted them to know it. If they kept pushing it, i was only going to get angrier. Or fall apart. Whatever was next. I feel like i was going to lose i.

“Hopefully he realizes that”

Bert added.

“If he doesn't know, we’ll make him know. Alright? We have your back”

Adam was now trying to look supportive. Don't think he understood what i was getting at. But at least he was _trying_  to make me feel better.

Still, that wasn’t something that i wanted to hear. It scared me. I didn’t know Adam or his friends all that well. They were still new friends to me. I didn’t know what they were capable of. I didn’t want to learn about it either. Seeing how aggressive they can be just for fun... It's scary to imagine what they're like when they feel angry. 

Like, Frank probably didn’t even remember talking to me. He didn’t need to be involved in any of it. He didn’t need to get in trouble...again. The poor kid was probably going to have a worse time than before. Talking to him was such a bad idea. It only made him a bigger target. There was no way i could help him. Any involvement with me was going to hurt him. I should have stayed quiet the entire time.

“Stop making this into something that it's not! Just shut it okay. It was not that big of a deal” 

“You’re so **soft** ”

Adam said in a playful way. There wasn't anything i could respond. He was right. And i didn't took it as an insult. 

****

Everytime i looked around the classroom I would catch him staring. Not in the way that I used to watch him though. When i watched him i did it out of pity. Maybe a little curiosity. Just wanting to know how the lonely guy was doig.  But the way that Frank looked at me was different. He looked at me with wide eyes. With just the right amount of both fear and amusement and… something else.

He would then bite his lip. The moment our gazes met, he would turn around nervously. And it would end with him going back to his notebook as if nothing had happened. This process was repeated at least three times per class. It was fascinating every single time it happened though. For whatever reason. 

If I’m honest, i wasn’t bothered by it at all. But I still didn’t want my friends to say anything about it. So I did my best to ignore it. Never smiling or even reacting to it. If i did, one of my friends would ask me what the fuck was going on. And I couldn't let that happen. Because i really had no idea. Only Frank knew what *that* was about.

My friends would talk to me, but my mind was still going on about Frank. And his eyes. After a while, I concluded that he probably wanted to talk to me. That was all. Maybe he needed a pencil or something. Probably something irrelevant like that.

And it made me a little sad. Because he must have known that he couldn’t talk to me. If he tried to, my friends would eat him alive. If he tried talking to a different classmate he would be ignored. That poor guy couldn’t win. Everything was rigged against him. He’s stuck being on his own. 

So he just stares. Maybe waiting for my friends to leave. Maybe to see if i'm still there. I don't fucking know. I dont have the guts to ask either. Maybe we’re both trapped in a way.

The whole thing was hard to ignore. It made me think about my friends warning. About not talking to creepy guys like Frank. Maybe they had a point… Who was i to judge? They knew him better than i did… Maybe… Normal people don't stare at you in silence for 50 minutes… Maybe they were right about Frank. But it didn’t make me feel any different about him.

****

We didn't interact till two days later. Two whole days of seeing Frank being weirder than usual. Forty eight hours anxiously waiting for something to happen. 

When i least expected it too. By then i had already given up. It seemed safe to assume we weren't going to talk again. But somehow he did it. He got the guts to speak to me all by himself. 

All while I was in the restrooms washing my hands too. He came in at the exact moment I was rinsing them. It was a perfect timing. To the point where i can't help but to ask myself if he did it on purpose. Had he been watching me from a far without me realizing it…? Had he been waiting outside for a minute or two before coming in…? What had he been doing the past two days?

“H-Hey”

He came in with a huge smile on his face. But i could tell it wasn't out of happiness. It was out of complete nervousness. The smile he was forcing didn't convince me. Oh, i could tell he was absolutely losing it on the inside. I couldn’t have expected anything else from the guy.

“Hi”

Was my response, smiling right back at him. 

Then I turned on the hand dryer machine. It was something to distract me to. As i cleaned my hands i didn't even look up towards him. The noise was enough to get lost for a few seconds. And i needed it. It felt very weird to be approached in a restroom. Even if it was him. Well, especially if it was him…


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok posting another chapter of this one tonight too... and then idk......... idk what else should i update...........or if i should post other fics that i have in my drafts that ive never posted here idk........... cuz uni keeps me busy so im not the best with time.... but i like writing still so....... i might take a while to actually post here but i am writing tho..... ehh idk what to say lol i'm not sure any1 is even reading any of this

“I watched the movie” He was getting closer to me now that the machine had stopped. “The one you told me about. S-scary one.”   
He seemed pleased with himself. As if he had done something right. 

It left me speechless for a moment. Because honestly, i didn’t even remember asking him to watch anything. For a few seconds i just nodded without saying a word. Merely so I wouldn’t be rude to him.

“Yeah, yeah,” It took me a couple of seconds to recall what he was getting at “How was it?”

“S-scary stuff, yeah’

The expressions he made were strange. He would open his eyes a little too wide and move his mouth in a weird way. If i didn’t know any better, i’d think the guy was having a damn stroke.   
  
But no. He was probably _that_  nervous. Or maybe he just didn’t know better. Or there was also a possibility that he hadn’t - to anyone in a long time. Maybe it was a combination of all those things. Either way, it was easy to tell this guy wasn’t “normal”. Even by the way he spoke. 

“Jesus,” I forced myself to chuckle “You didn't  **have** to watch it, dude. I wasn't like, putting a task on you or something. It’s a stupid movie you didn’t need to bother”

“Oh.”

His voice was suddenly too quiet. 

Something i had noticed too during our last talk. In one sentence, he would be almost shouting. In another, he would be a little too quiet. He also either talked very slowly, or too fast. As if he had no conversational skills whatsoever. As if he was a goddamn alien or something. Completely unaware of how social interactions worked.

He probably really didn't know...

“Its fine. I hope you liked it” 

By then i had already started walking towards the exit. He quickly tried to go behind me. 

“I did- I did”

I stopped for a moment. He didn't want me to go yet. But he wasn't talking either. All i could do was smile...

It was very strange.

“So…?”

I started, hoping he would have something interesting to add. Cause i was blank. My brain couldn’t think of anything to tell him. I didn't know the guy. 

if one of my friends entered the room. That would be the end of him. It was a huge risk being there for too long. It was time to go before something bad were to happen. Before I got this poor guy into more trouble.

“So…” He tried “The movie…” He __ stared at the ground instead of me “Really liked it, i guess”

“Hmmm” The conversation was not going to get anywhere. Not with his limited range of topics. There had to something else to discuss “...Is there something you want?”

“N-no, no. I was-was just trying to chat with you, t-thats all.” 

“...Alright.”

Now i was looking at the door. Hoping he’d get what was happening next. Whatever he wanted to say, he needed to do it soon. Because i wasn't going to stay there much longer.

“And! I forgot! T-theres like” He stopped, and started scratching his face. “A-a drawing workshop? Here? School?”

Sure, I had imagined. So i nodded and merely added:

“Thats nice”

“I thought you'd be interested. S-since you're into that stuff”

He explained, hoping that i would say something else.

“I mean...I dont know” straight up rejecting the idea would be rude. I had to at least try to be interested. But it was hard. “being in the football team ..  i dont think ill have the free time for something like that, like-”

“T-that's fine. Fine. Totally” He stopped me before i could say something else “I don't know why i even asked. I should have imagined you'd be busy…..i just.” Then came the fast talking and the weird hand gestures “I've been wanting to join their club for a long time, so… i guess i ...i guess i thought we could join together…. Stupid of me…” Nervous laughter “That’s so silly, gosh. I just, i don’t know anyone else who likes drawing so i thought you-”

“No, no! I would totally join with you, man! It's not stupid at all! I need time though - this week i have an important game, so. I can't really look into that right now. But… But next week, i could check it out”

Going to a drawing workshop sounded lame. School was already keeping me damn busy. I had no time to waste in shit like that. It wouldn't even be fun. All my experiences with workshops have been shitty. They were never any fun whatsoever. And if you had a shit teacher, the whole experience sucked.

But going to the workshop with _him_  could be interesting. Hell, maybe we could _actually_  talk again. Without having to worry about some assignment. Plus, my friends weren't going to be there. No way in hell. Those guys can barely write properly! There was no way any of them would be in a drawing workshop of all things.

No. In the workshop it would just be me and him...and some liberal teacher and...weird art kids i don't want to talk to… but hey, Frank was enough incentive to go.

Couldn't even tell you why that was. And i wish i could.

“R-really?”

He smiled again, but this time i could tell it was sincere. A genuine smile from Frank Iero. Boy, was I lucky. It made me feel real special for a moment. The smile I gave him was just as authentic.

“Yeah! Next tuesday?”

“R-really?”

“Yeah, I’m dead serious! We could meet there. See what the workshop is all about.”

The idea of joining still made me a little uncomfortable. But i liked seeing Frank happy. So i kept going either way.

“But the football stuff? I mean i don’t want to get you in trouble or something like that-”

“If its too much work i won't join. But if everyone there is chill and everything; i can do both”

That was a lie. A damn lie. I was going to see if someone from the football team was there. And if there was, i was going to ignore Frank. And pretend like nothing had happened. Move on with my life.

But if no one important was there... And i could just enjoy being there with Frank… Then i was in. Without a question. It seemed like a fair deal. Maybe if i spent some time with him, he would stop being so shy. And maybe if i spent some time with him he wouldn’t wait for me outside of the bathroom again.

“You sure?”

“Like, i can't promise that i’ll join. But we could check it out - together”

“That- thats sounds great. Y-y-yes”

“Good! I have to go now though. Is that all, buddy?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah! That’s all! Just that! Tuesday then! On tuesday… we’ll see each other… Then….Okay just confirming! Confirming that-”   


No. He had nothing else to add. And that was fine. He didn’t need to add anything else. But he wouldn’t stop following me towards the door. Like a lost puppy looking for a home. It made me a little sad, but all that I said was:   
“I'll see you around. That’s a promise”

****

We won. Against all the odds, we fuckin’ won. Not against any team either. We won against the biggest group of douchebags in town. The ones who swore they were going to kick our asses. The ones who were supposed to be so much better than all of us. It wasn’t even a close game either. We fuckin’ won; and that was that.

We were ecstatic.

It wasn't luck though. It was a team effort of course. But let's be real, it was mostly thanks to Adam and I. Everyone else did _okay_. But there was no denial that the team would have lost without our scores. We carried the team on most of the games. That day was no exception to this.

The thing was, Adam got praised after every single game. Adam kicking ass in the field wasnt new or exciting. It was a fun routine, at best. People would praise him because it was the right thing to do. But no one was ever surprised at Adam scoring the team a win.

But me? The new kid? The one that they had been hesitant about? That was something else. I wasn't supposed to do good at all. Because everyone seemed to be in complete shock about it. After the game, coach gave me an entire **speech** about how proud he was. My teammates cheered me as if i had gotten them the damn championship. Everyone seemed to be in disbelief.

I didnt even do the best in the team. Adam did. Adam was still the most valuable guy we had. It was weird. Maybe they were sick of having to praise him on every single game. I don't know. It was a little astounding to me. There was no denial that Adam had been better. And in the other games I had played no one said anything about my scores. But something had changed as the weeks had passed by.

Either way, I said thanks to everyone and kept it going.  Because it was what i was supposed to do. But i could tell, something was different among them.

The weeks prior i had been treated fairly, but i was seen as a guest among them. They hadn’t been rude to me, but there was still a fair amount of teasing and mistrust. Now though… I was accepted. After that game, I think i was finally accepted by them. I was one of the guys from the football team. The cool ones. The ones who only hung out out with each other. The ones who are unstoppable in high school. 

I was one of them now.

Afterwards, we all headed to Bert’s house. 

That was the place where they threw all of their shitty parties. His parents were never around, so everyone could be as obnoxious as they wanted. Bert never said a thing when people made a mess. 

The house was small. It was in the middle of a bad fuckin’ neighborhood. And it **always** without a fail, smelled like death. It had its beauty though. The neighbors never called the cops on us. The parties could last till six am. And there was always weed being sold among us. We never complained about a thing. It wasn't a nice house by any means but it didn't need to be. That’s the great thing about shitty high school parties. 

Most of the people who attended the game were at the party. The cheerleaders, the players, and the friends who were part of the clique of people. We didn't hang out with outsiders much. The parties always involved the same group of people from school. Say,  _ _Johnny from chess club and his friends_ _ , would never appear at such an event. ~~It was never supposed to be for them.~~

They were not missing much, really. 

Underage drinking, and the usual high school drama. The parties were not anything special. Even in days like this  where everyone is celebrating something, the parties aren't any interesting. Not when you already know everyone and you know exactly the things they’re going to do. Same people are going to get drunk, same people will cheat, same people are going to get cheated on, same people are going to fall asleep on the couch.

I would have gone home if i knew any better. But i like to keep appearances. Now that i feel like one of them, i have to live like one of them.  I don't want to be seen as an ungrateful asshole. It would be douchey to leave a party dedicated to my efforts ~~(and Adams...and the teams…. And our amazing coach, of course)~~ _. Even if said party isn’t all that great. It was still where I belonged._

If i leave this place, they won’t like me. And if  _ they _ don’t like me, who am i really? Everything I do revolves around these people. I can’t be on their bad side. Not when it involves the people I’m going to see everyday for the rest of high school. I need to be liked. By every single person i meet. 

So even if i wasn't having a good time, I smiled and greeted anyone who wanted to talk to me. It didn't bother me all that much. I was used to pretending to have fun. My life was now this. And for some reason, I wanted my life to stay that way. In a way, it was safe. Predictable, sure but, at least it made me feel satisfied. With who my friends were, and with who **I** was. 

“We’re gonna kill this fucking season”

Someone said. I wasn't sure who. The house was crowded with people. I just nodded and kept walking. There wasn't much to discuss. My mind was elsewhere, but i needed to be there. Among the faceless people and their generic chants.

***

Bert didn't even get good beer for us. He only got the light-weight girly shit. Apparently, they were cheaper and there was some kind of sale in the store. So he bought every single one of ‘em, cause of course he did. Still, they were useless. They barely gave me any buzz at all. They were garbage.

So we had low-calorie fucking beer. And we were partying inside a filthy house in the middle of nowhere. And my designated driver was somewhere upstairs with a girl neither of us knew. Honestly, i felt jaded. It was supposed to be a party for the **cool kids**. But it wasn't as **cool** as I imagined it would be. I always thought things like this would be different. At the very least, i thought they would have nicer beers. But no. They’re predictable and as lame as most high school parties are.

“Don’t be so shy!” A younger girl said, getting closer to me than she should have “Were all friends. Whatcha’ hiding for?”

I was not friends with that girl. Sure, I had seen her around before. But we had never even spoken before this. She was not Adam’s girlfriend, I was sure about that. But she was one of the 10 girls who looked exactly like Adam’s girlfriend and acted like her. So yeah, it was hard to tell her apart.

“I’m- not. A little tired, thats all”

“But it's so early!” 

“I know, i know! 

My forced smile wasn’t enough. She wanted more from me.

“Then talk to me! C’mon. Don't be all _quiet_ ”

But we have **nothing**  to talk about. Not a single thing. If i hadn’t been raised right, I would have said something very bad to her.

“I’m talking to you!”

All i could do was keep smiling and trying to keep my tone friendly. She was too drunk to hold a real conversation. But not wrecked enough to warrant me ignoring her completely. Which was bad luck all around.

So many people were around me. If i was rude to the girl, everyone would notice. I couldn't afford being a dick - not yet. I wasn't at Adam’s level yet. Adam would throw a drink in the girls face if he felt like it. He had the power to do things like that. I did not.

“Talk to me...more!”

“Okay. How are you?”

She laughed so loudly. Not because it was funny, but because she wanted more attention. She wanted the room to know **she**  was being approached by me. That  **I** was making her laugh. It was the kind of thing girls did at these parties. Then fought about during school. It was beyond me. 

All of it. But they always acted like it was so entertaining. With the faces that the guys were making at me. The way this girl kept insisting when I was clearly not interested. How some girls in the corner were already gossiping about the whole thing. It was making me feel more tired than I already was. 

“I’m fine now cause” She started touching my arm, which i didn’t like “cause you're talking to me”

She smiled at me and got closer. All that i could think was: god damn, she stinks. Of alcohol and some terrible perfume and I don't even know what else. It made me a little sick. I smiled back though and pretended to enjoy the interaction. Like i was supposed to.

“I’m glad” 

In my mind i was begging for something to stop it. Stop this mindless conversation. And just go home and take a damn nap. 

Most of the people here didnt even play at the damn game. I did. I was sore. And more than anything, I wanted to fall asleep. No party, no pizza, no girls, no booze. I wanted a comfy bed and a nice shoegaze band playing. Nothing else. These people probably wouldn’t get it though. 

“Are you having fun? You're all serious! Why!”

“I’m not! Stop saying that, okay? I’m having fun”

It was becoming harder and harder to maintain the smile on my face. She was getting on my nerves so much.

“You should dance with me. Then you won't be all mopey and sleepy. I’ll wake you up”

Some of the guys at from the team started mumbling things at me. Childish taunts suggesting i needed to say yes. That's the worst part about these parties. Nothing that happens is ever private. Everything you say will be analyzed by the clique. If they don't like how you behave you were gonna have a bad week at school. 

If my friends were suggesting that i needed to dance with her. And they were all staring at me, waiting… and mumbling annoying shit… about how man I am or not. Then fuck, do i even have a choice by that point? They already decided. The staring, the remarks, the whistling, it was all more than enough. If they wanted me to dance with this stupid girl, fuck it, I was going to. Now i was part of their group. And i was going to act like one of them.

“Alright. Alright.”  
****


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is like the shortest update i think i've done ever cuz im working on that halloween fic and im also drowning in uni homework but like.... i had to update something omg.....also the drawing at the end was made by my gf. she's 20witch on insta! she has done art to some of my other fics but i've never been sure if i should add the pics to the story. does it look weird or cool and interactive? idk...

***

Apparently I was dating a cheerleader now. The details were not given to me. Bert informed in the locker room. But he was vague about it. It was one of those rumors that wasn’t very descriptive about things. He said, she said shit. But it was only going to grow bigger, as those things usually do.

“So? What if we are?”  
  
Bert started laughing as we walked through the hallway.  
  
It was already another monday morning. And I was already getting exhausted of school. All the classes were boring. Even the teenage drama was boring currently, now that it closely involved me. That girl and I had nothing in common. Talking to her was already hard enough when we were drunk. The idea of ever dating her was massively stupid.

But I didn’t care. The more they talked about me, the better. As long as they didn’t actually ask me about it. And the thing about rumors is,  _they never do_. I just happened to be lucky that Bert was as skeptical as i was about the rumor. He knew it was bullshit. Cause, out of most of the people in the team, he actually knew me. If something was really up, he’d be the first to know.  
  
My classes with Frank had been strange so far. The usual abusive comments about him happened. And he worked alone in every project as he always did. But something changed with him. Now we didn’t exchange looks at all. He looked at his notebook the entire time. Never at anyone else. Or anything. Something else was more important.  
  
***

There was one point during fifth period where Frank ran into me. My body bumped against his back for _maybe_ two seconds. That was it. He let out a small scream. When he turned around and saw me he looked even more terrified. He dropped his notebook to the floor, as if he had lost all control of his body. All i could do was offer him a kind smile, but it didn’t calm him down at all.  
He panicked and raced as far as possible from the scene.  
He even left his notebook right there on the ground.

“Iero!” I tried calling him but he wasn’t stopping “Iero! You left this!”  
The notebook said Biology on the front cover. Maybe biology was not important? But I needed to give it to him anyway.

So, I waited.  
And waited. And waited. But Frank never went outside the building. High school had ended at least an hour ago and i was still waiting for him to get out. If he had gone out I would have noticed him immediately. Even the back of his neck was easy for me to recognize now….considering I did stare at him quite a lot  
“You still here?”  
  
“Yeah, smoking and shit”

It was true. I had been smoking pretty much the entire time there. I _had_ to smell awful.

“For an hour?  
  
“Yeah”  
  
“Well there goes your singing career, man”

Adam joked.

We both laughed for a moment. 

“There goes that back-up plan” 

Silence. Just smoking and smiling. Why was **he** still in school? That question could earn me a broken bone. And I wasn’t willing to risk it. Adam’s strange temper scared just as it scared everyone else.

“Is plan A joining the fag parade?”

“Well, I’ve been caught...”

He laughed. Because I took the insult. That’s how it works with Adam. He throws random insults at you for no reason, and you take them cause that’s how it is. If you insult back, you get bit. If you take it, you get to stay with him. But he’s going to do it again and again and again and again.

“You want a ride home?”  
Adam offered.

The question wasn’t something I expected from him at all. Maybe that’s how he treats the people he actually  _likes_ and not just his _friends_. Not so much of a selfish jerk I guess. Sort of.  
  
“Sure”

***  
  
Maybe an hour. I was home for maybe an hour before curiosity got the best of me.

” _Who the fuck is gonna know if i do it_?” was all i could think about.  
  
Something made me want to check the notebook. And even when I went through the pages and saw boring notes from class, I didn’t stop. I knew I was gonna find something. I don’t know how. But I did.  
  
The drawings started somewhere around the last pages of the notebook. They were probably something he did during the boring lectures.

First, there was a girl from class in one of the sketches. There was a sketch of a crow on a different page. There was one of a man in fetal position. And there was a simple drawing of the misfits logo on another page.

And then… The next page had a different kind of drawing.

Oh, there it was.  
  
It was definitely something different.

Something fuckin’ else.

Was it a compliment? Was it a…. Threat? Was i going to end up in some kid of basement like in one of the horror movies i watch? What the fuck was wrong with this kid? We’ve talked maybe three times. You don’t draw something like that about someone you aren’t close to? Unless…. Unless….  
So, the drawing was **me**. Talking with my **actual** friends. Smiling at them. He had been staring at me talking to my friends. Which was fine. But the hearts. And the random scribbles that said “him”. And particularly the hearts? What the fuck was up with that? Was he out of his mind? That was crossing a line. If someone like Adam saw that made out of him, he would do unimaginable things to the creator.

I wasn’t angry though. I was too shocked to feel anything. All I could do was stare at it. It was...something else….

But of course, the sketch on the next page was no better. Because this Frank kid, was also (clearly) _something else._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short but necessary. really wanted to update something quick before going back to the halloween fic... also flowers? cause in careless??? ykjsioasfisfiofia

A drawing of me sitting next to him. Holding hands. With hearts everywhere on the page. The whole middle school thing. It had our names in cursive and everything. It was absolutely bizarre that a fully grown adult had drawn that. But for some reason, I had no doubt in my mind that it was Frank’s.

And yeah, it was definitely strange but it didn’t terrify me. It just made me need a second to think. To process the whole situation.

Because I didn’t know if it was the saddest thing I had ever seen. Or the cutest. It was somewhere in between the two options. It was Frank, so it was adorable in a strange (and sad) way. But it was also a sort of creepy drawing of the two of us that a serial killer would do, so I didn’t know about that. 

I didn’t want to mess with Frank or tease him about it though. It would be too cruel. But fuck. It was kind of a difficult thing to just forget about. The drawing took over all the page and had colors and all these crazy amount of effort that you don’t just do. The type of effort you only do when you **care** about something. Or someone. Fuck. Why did it have to involve me?

I closed the notebook. I was getting into things that I should not. That was Franks mind. It was none of my business.

I mean, it was my face plastered in the notebook, but… I didn’t feel like I could see the picture any longer. It made me feel odd. My stomach felt strange. And so did my heart. And hell, maybe I wasn’t **MAD** about it. Maybe it made my day a little bit. But how could I bring it up in a conversation? Without being as creepy as… _him_?

****

Monday morning and Frank looks like he saw a damn ghost. Eyebags all the way to the floor. Red eyes. Dressed in what were probably his pajamas. Looking blankly at nothing in particular. He knew I had the notebook. It had probably ate him from the inside the entire nighttime.

Even as I got closer he barely moved, probably too tired to start shaking in fear. He was gone. 

“Hey man,” I started, causing him to panic for a bit. But he looked so tired, it wasn’t even as bad as it usually was “you dropped this notebook.”

His hands were shaking profusely when he grabbed it. As if he had lost all control of his body. But he took the notebook and put it tightly against his chest as if it belonged there and not on my hands. And he was right.  
“T-t-t-t-tthank you”

 

We both stayed silent for a few moments. I don’t think either of us was ready to discuss what was in that notebook yet. Certainly not in a classroom full of judging morons either. But there was no doubt it was gonna have to be discussed later.

Fuck. And I was the one who had to do that. Cause Frank would never admit it. But my god, I was not ready to talk about that yet. So, lies for now were gonna keep safe from all those “feelings” and shit that made my stomach feel odd.

“I didn’t snoop around or anything, okay?” He looked at me with the most honest eyes, so big and so beautiful “Don’t worry about a thing. I’m doing just fine in biology. I didn’t copy any of your notes at all”

“You didididiidn’t?”

“I didn’t’”

“You prororororormise?”  
Those eyes. Why did he have to make me lie to him? I felt so bad lying to those sweet and innocent eyes.

“I promise”

He finally puts his notebook on his seat.

“Thtthththtank you, for not-----”

“Don’t worry about it man, I’d never”

Then I went back to my seat as if nothing had happened. But something huge had happened, and it was hiding in that purple notebook. Among notes and grades and doodles from before I got to school.

****

The art workshop was smaller than I had expected. It also had very little material. And it smelled strange, to say the least. But it was the place Frank said he had been longing for months. So, if he liked it, I was gonna pretend i did too. 

I was there 15 minutes before the thing even started. It gave me enough time to greet the teacher and help her with her material and everything for the class. She asked me what I was doing there, and if it had to do with some sort of football team prank with one of the students:

“Ma’am, I’d never”

“You better not, cause I’ll get you in so much trouble, you can’t imagine. I don’t care if you’re the high school’s sweethearts. The students here deserve respect too”

“It’s not a prank, I just- I’m here with a friend”

I was very lucky she didn’t know who Frank was, or else she would have thought it was a prank even more and told me to get out. But I was there cause I wanted to be there. For multiple reasons. Not to be a douchebag.

Why did she assume I was a douchebag?

“I swear if Adam is involved in this,”  
She started again

Oh…. That’s why. Fair enough. 

****

About fifteen people came.

They knew who I was and seemed to be just as suspicious of what was happening. They thought I was playing a prank on them too. They gave me unfriendly and confused stares. Till I ended up having to sit all the way at the back of the room. _This is what Frank feels every single day of his life_.

The activity that day had to do with being “inspired by nature”. But “you can draw something else if you want”

Frank sat next to me sketching. He was doing a huge sunflower. It had no meaning to me, but it probably did to him. I didn't feel like asking. He seemed to be lost in it. I didn’t want to interrupt his process.

On the other hand, I was drawing a huge evil tree with a halloween-esque face. The shit you see on cable cartoons. Cause that’s what I’m good at. And just that. Cartoons, comics, all things bloody and dumb. Not nice fancy flowers that actually require some talent and shit like that.

“Does it look good?”  
Frank asked me after he had finished painting everything with his watercolor set. He had one of those that costed 2,99 at the grocery store, by the way. And it was genuinely surprising how he made the colors show up at all. Let alone nicely.

“Yeah?”  
Seeing how nice the painting was left me breathless for a second. Honest to god. But he of course didn’t take it that way.

“Oh…”

“I’m sorry I don’t know what to say. I can barely tell flowers apart honestly. I’m the worst person to ask”

“Tha-thats alright”

“But what I do know is that it looks fucking rad, y’know”  
That made him smile finally, and it lifted my entire spirit.

“Hmmm...i like your tree and I’m, no expert om evil trees with faces”

“Then I must be killing it, uh?”

He laughed. Then got a little serious and did something I would have never expected from him.

“This is fun.” He grabbed my left hand. We were behind the desk the rest of the students couldn’t see us “I like drawing with you”

We were holding hands. Just like he had wanted. And it felt good. Just like I had sadly anticipated. It was actually making my chest feel a little tighter and my throat started going dry. Why didn’t I have the guts to do this earlier? Fuck. This should have happened a long time ago.

“Yeah we should see each other next week”

“It could be our thing”  
He held on to my hand tighter and tighter than before.

“Yeah…. Just… don’t talk to me at school, okay? Only here.”

There were already 15 people that had seen us together. The good thing was that they thought it was some sort of joke to have me there. But if Frank started actually talking to me in school, in classes… If Adam saw that type of shit. I would sync into the bottom of the goddamn social pyramid.

“oh. Okay.”

“This is our little secret”

“That’s good enough for me”  
He smiled at me and my heart started beating faster. I knew. And he knew.  
****


End file.
